Paralyzed

I feel stuck to my computer and phone, wanting to be present in someone elses mind. Tonight is null and void within my mental montage, and I am seeking refuge.

Distractions can be life rafts, and I am always reaching out for one. I am stranded in my sea of "goals" and want desperately to be transported out of this cold, vast reality. The more knowledge I gain, the more helpless I feel.

Hell, I have always had a reason, to smother my ambitions. It is only me playing tricks on myself. I am the houdini of happiness, turning the rose into a snake. Finally, in my life I feel sane and on the right track. I just don't trust time and space never felt fit for me. I am in awe of those whose provisins panned out. My provisions have been fettered off course, never to be realized as they were conceived. I suppose it makes things more interesting, adding that element of the unexpected. But surprises are stressful, and that can make the moments seem surreal, never really taken for what they are. Still, I believe these are the things that strengthen the character. If I lived, but only a day in my life, I would choose the one that held me to my wits.
With that being my motto, I feel strappped to the mundane. Superimposed into a world that suits the people I love. I have a conclusion to me. The introduction is constantly improvised, and the body doesn't suit many readers. It's the kind of experience that can only be relished in opportune time of the spirit, hopefully inspirational, yet tranparent of universal truth.

NOw is my test of the present. How can I exist in the moment. Capture the future through utilizing the very minute I draw breath. It is the essence of the concept that creates a claustraphobic reaction to my person. One moment, drawn in around me, cutting off a supply. What is now is real, what was is distorted and what will be is magnificent. But now is here, quiet, still, crowded. Allow myself to sleep. Dream....transcend the physical barriers, the conscience of limitations.

I haven't allowed myself more than 5 hours sleep in I don't know how long.
sleeep.................................

I

Favorite Right-wing quote of the day

"Teachers are like people who move near airports - they complain about the noise, yet knew the airport had a landing pad. What did they think when they entered the classroom; gee where did all these kid come from, now what do I do?" DJ (employer, conservative activist, hamn radio operator, compassion level 0, his take on politics- priceless)

Thought I would add a daily or bi-daily section to my blog, to add a little humour to an otherwise directionless blog. I might choose to do a weekly quote if I can't handle to be in contact with the "elite" too often.

Conspiracy theory #1

I think that education is a plot to alienate the potential lower class leaders of tomorrow. I am alone, and bored, yet obligated to study. I have to study by myself. We have to read by ourselves. When we take the test, we need to do better than everyone in our class. This is done in solitude. Achievement is based on individual accomplishment. Until you have to do a stupid project with someone. You are too busy to get together to do the damn project, and you are trying to fuse things together.

We are segregated to absorb knoweledge and reproduce it individually at a specified duration. This is boring, and stupid and unrealistic of humans. We are social creatures. This is no secret. Yet we learn like caged animals.
I am over it.

If it is going to go down......

It's going down like this. At some point we are going to take Kenny Rogers advice. This gamblers count'n her blessings. But this isn't going to end where I feel gratitude because of someones loss. End of story. Oh no. If there is one thing I can't stand, it is the tired story of the white man visiting poor country, returning, never to be the same. How exactly does that go, I wonder when I am told or read that tired line. What is changing. I know. It is that you grew a conscious. What a dispicable thing to have in a capitalist machine. Neither an asset or ally.

Is it that you question your purchases, or do you just cherish their abundance even more? And enjoying in the spirit of more than just yourself, or for those who never had the chance to be tempted into shopaholisism.

Worse am I, for I love chocolate. And I probably could sponsor a couple more children, if I just limited a quarter of my intake. So, here it is. My farewell to chocolate. My last remaining addiction, to be buried with marijuana, cigarettes, boos, self loathing and nosepicking. okay, I guess nosepicking will have to make a comeback. This is going to be bad. Especially when there is no sex for substitute. Should I buy a viber. a dildo made of chocolate.

Self-indulgence is for the weak. You know you gotta problem when your grocery shopping with your toddler, and she is pointing at cadbury's yelling mommies yummies, mummies yummies!
One less bar in the mouth, a week more of eating for a Haitian child. We are going down with a guilt trip.

Add a t to hear and whatdoyougot? HEART

Well, if it is one thing the right has learned over the past 10 years is that the people like to be heard. The people like to get things off their chest and think they are being listened to. This helps alleviate pressure behind decisions authority makes that leave people in a worse position and pissed off. Yet they know, since voter turn out is so damn low, that that is all they have to do. Just pretend to hear. And then carry about business as usual. Take Ontario for example. The government has been engaged in dialogue with student reps about tuition freezes. No indication was made that it was not getting through to the gov. Yet, fall hits and so do larger fees. Student reps never saw it coming. Why would they, because they were being listened to. You stupid shits, I say. If you haven't learned anything about "realists" by now, then you don't deserve your money. All I am saying is we all got one common denominator. People just gotta realize how little it is we all really want, and that it is all the same thing. Students, teachers, enVironmentlists, unionists, - DEMOCRACY - Can you dig it?

Resurrect Marxism

Mayday. That should strike a chord with all us overworked pieces of shite that invest hand over fist into corporate theives we call the government. Yet, I think it is lost on our generation. Perhaps it is because 30 percent of us live in our parents basement.

Sitting here hammering on this computer is all I can do, releasing an inner pressure building, while I realizing that the working class is under a hostile takeover. Take a unions right to strike, and you may have well castrated the lot. I should be waving banner.. hanging banners over the Legislature, fighting the good fight. We will not be drones to a province that seeks to control it's population through an elaborate design to create a large working class; tenants of the pot they piss in.

Yet here I sit, trying to convince myself to open up that book, "Think Democracy", so that I can ace the midterm next week. Locked in the hope that one day I can rub elbows with an elitist group of terriotorial sociopaths with the conscience of a virus.

When does the apathy devour us? When can intent create an apparition out of words?

Will anyone bring me bananas when I strand myself on a window ledge, to bring attention to the working class being pushed to the edge? Potassium will prevent the cramping.
I knew I took biology for a reason.

Yes, this is the year 2005

Nanotechnology. I have had 2 hours sleep staying up, reading about the marvel of artificial intelligence. Robotic DNA you say?
Which leads me to the next question, Why the hell am I taking a ferry tomorrow? If I am not to be beamed, I should at least be wearing a jetpack or something.

upside down and inside out. We can birth human in synthetic wombs, yet we can't master transporting humans with efficiency.

Ahhhh, wait I get it. First build the army, then let the buggers figure out this mobility issue. Billions of microcopic heads are better than... millions of irrational ones.

The Autumn in my Mind

Put to shame, daring afterthoughts
tainted by brash colors, A seasonal kinesis.

I join abruptly, unforseen expanses
and wait, alone, for what seems decades.

How obliged is the color red?

To clearly sneak into mundane circumstances.
Proclaiming the brilliance of a finale of freshness.
I too can take on hues,

but somehow it eludes to something forsaken,
and despaired, alway regretted.

Unlike that which sews our souls,
creating through the decay,

one more chance to be Bold.

Santa should try Fasting

Why am I more thrilled about Rammadan then Christmas? This might be an odd question if I was in fact muslim, but it does pertain because I am a self professed Christian. How can fasting all day be more attractive to me then pigging out for a month, and buying myself into debt?

I know, perhaps it is because, I am currently sick and my neighbors thoughtfully brought me soup rather than butter and sugar baked golden brown with a little cherry shrivelled on the top. It could also be the absence of bombarding images of little ornaments made in sweatshops, and a frenzy of vehicles searching to appease the one day climax ended in a pile of colored paper and plastic.

It's no secret that Christmas has seemed to lose the legacy of uniting families and celebrating the birth of the saviour. At least for most. The Season for giving has turned into the Season of Profit, for some, and dreaded bank statements for most.

I suppose when I think about what is most in need, I remeber the earth, from which we take so much and leave so little. The earth could probably use a holiday. Christmas only seeks to exacerbate the fact, where Rammadan lends it a hand.

Profuse Pain

It is never as it seems,

and even though it can be happening right in front of you,

you can export experience into other realms,

and suddenly it isn't so bad,

and who would actually be so numb, dumb...

pain disguises, in darkness, and secrecy,

never so blatant and bold, because it doesn't want to be discovered,

But I keep forgetting, pain feeds denial.

And the two fuse,

as anti-matter and organics,

exploding into soundwaves, deafening the universe.

Where did it come from? more importantly how does it end.