Occupying Latitude

"Be the Change you Wish to See in The World"

or: "Become financially, emotionally, and professionally disabled in Being the Change You Wish to See in The World."

In the first sentence, I assume that "The World" is, whatever you perceive your domain or connections to what you foremost occupy. So, for simplicity's sake, we shall it call it your daily life.

In the "life", is the best we can hope for a domino effect that puts your example out there for people to encounter and to get encouraged.

And by this "example" are we concluding it is what you "sacrifice".

And by what you "sacrifice", are we talking about your opportunity costs. What you could benefit by utilizing that time, oh precious time, and money and whatever other resource you have to manufacture a future.

And by "benefits" are we describing what values are contained within any other motivation that may be the paramount factor in your actions, or any other subsequent decisions that underlye these motivations.

Because.............

if your gonna "live your principles" or be whatever you want everyone else to be, you gotta have some SERIOUS PATIENCE.

Because there are no memo's on your moral agenda. People can't be held accountable if they don't osmotically keep pace with the progression.

No one can be expected to........

And in knowing that, do you run? How little or much do you give to what you believe?

If it is "love" that is deserving of the ultimate sacrifices (not just in theory but in cultural construction), can love be constricted by limitations.

Now I am not talking about the love where you buy flowers and hump like rabbits. I am talking about the deep desire to feed everything around you with the unabashedly, all encompassing extension of gratitiude and fortitude that is the very basis of our being. It is how we continue on this species. We would take multiple bullets for the next.

Is it in that ideal and reality that we find we can never part with the desire to eliminate the suffering that we endured, since an integral knowledge exists that we were spared a certain suffering from someone who conciously eradicted that injustice, fearing its spread and continuation to the legacy of our lives.

And in this context, should being unsupported and derailed by a few who were thought to belong to this vision be a deterrent to contributing to that ultimate result?

Especially since the result acknowledges no end,

And seemingly,
poetically,
manifests itself
into the journey.

I

Time Management 101

According to my new schedule I should be in bed. I have a 12 hour shift tomorrow plus laundry and a common room floor to clean. Did I mention my 2 year old is claiming revenge on me. That's right. I am falling short on how fast and frequent I can produce sugar and the Dora da splorer products.


But back to being in bed. I don't want to go to bed. I want to finish off the rum in my freezer from two Christmas's ago. I want to read blogs about atheism and watch comedy hour and dream about starting a mother sports Saturday, since all the soccer fields, tennis, and basket ball courts are right next to a play ground, Women in the hood' can join in for games and our kids can watch at the playground. When we are on the bench, we will be watching the kids climb the monkey bars.

But really, I gotta do this. I only have Saturday with my kid. And as I stroll by the field and schools I see the men out there producin' there endorphins while my kid screams to go play on the slide. " No we can't, we gotta get bandaids, T.P. and laundry detergent. We'll stop by there after the library."

Damn I forgot the laundry detergent trying to pry you from that damn Garfield in a convertable dollar ride with all its flashy lights.

Our Saturday sucked. I took her on a boat cruise. She just wanted to spit in the water to distract me from her eventual huckin' her whole body into the water. Kids just want to let loose. And so do I. We have that in common.

My daughter is really amazing though. She can sit through 3 hour meetings of juvenille bureaucrats. Children want to play with other kids. They want to see action. You take them to a mall, any active mind can only interact in the possible avenue that is available. To want.

This post is really to declare my intentiont to start the women/kid sport day. In an effort to save everyone's sanity and to have some fun. Shopping isn't a pastime. I hope I can get enough agreement with this. She can't make a basket...yet.

In the school of life, there are no paid instructors

So, here I am, got off work an hour ago. Gandharvas repeating on my Windows Media Player, neighbor upstairs tapdancing or some such thing, and I am thinking, breathing and thinking.

My phone is disconnected. Nothing announces your a broke ass disorganized citizen like your phone being cut off. Luckily I have my trusty pay as you go telus cellular so people can leave messages saying that either they don't know how to dial, or there is something straaaaaaaaange going on with your phone line.

Well guess what? I didn't get around to paying the damn thing. The truth? I can't keep up with everything I have plunked myself into. My summer break from school has turned into me treading water in my multi-faceted life where I try to juggle a child, 2 part-time serving jobs, a volunteer committment at a botanical garden and restructuring a student union while trying to start a non-profit organization of my own with a girl who just totally flaked out on me. Not to mention the tasks for the co-op housing board. In the wee hours and on my breaks I search the internet to search for day time employment for a non-profit as I am about to kill the next person who asks me the difference between the Roast Lamb and the Grilled Chicken Breast.

I thought I would learn networking and communication skills. What I learned out of all of this is:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.

Why is this the hardest thing to learn? I want to stereotype this behaviour but I will refrain.

Okay, now that I read over the above paragraph it isn't so bad. I expect for me to be super multitasker, stretching myself thin because once I am done school, I don't want to work for anyone else........for that long. I want to be creative and passionate and drive my wealth through the advocation of social justice.

Can that even be done? Is that possible? Profiting off of fair, equitable society.
Of course there is. There has to be. The key, the elements to avoid the pits: DO NOT become impaled in the disappointments.

Shit will go wrong. People will lie and at times you will lose. Bad things come in threes, but some have relayed to me so does good.

Never trust too much, but when you do and you get burned, don't take anything personally.
Everything is a lesson. It is cliche, but really, sometimes reading and memorizing does not internalize the consequence. Sometimes only the experience can accomplish this.

I find we all kind of go around in this bubble of denial. We act as though using caution or awareness can be unnatural, almost paranoid. I personally loathe the kind of maintence material objects require. My car, this computer; Why should they warrant so much of my time?

Assuming responsibility has been a struggle. Probably because I have had some far sooner than I would have imagined. There is stilll this peice of me that just wants to get shitfaced, ball you out, smoke all your weed and learn to drive standard in your shiny restored bug.

There is another part of me that wants to roll into the parlimament building and remind the house that Stephen Harper is the symbol of Canada's biggest sellout. Well, that would of been Mulrooney. Same shit different pile. My father keeps slurrring to me that he once heard that every generation should live through a conservative government.

I can't help but think it's true. Fear is the greatest motivater. It is like that movie with Michael Douglas, The Game. If you haven't seen it, do.

Now, how do I motivate myself into fearing the bill collectors? After 3 years of student loans with a dependent, their 100 bucks seems like chump change. I laugh in the phase of your puny demands. Talk to me when my daughter can't pronounce the bottom line.

The point of this post, is to gain a point. I will summarize with this insight.

If you can't stop and smell the roses, at least check your temperature gauge to see if you are over heating....before your engine blows.

A Call to Feminism

Looking back at the past 7 days, I have come to realize one thing...well besides that a week has passed.

WOMEN OF THE WORLD, WE ARE IN DAMN TROUBLE. Well no, that I already knew.

I CAN'T SIT IDLY BY AND WATCH THE SHIT FLY, and then splat me in the fuckin' face.

Let's review a diary of the past week's events, and then you can decide.

Tuesday, June 26th
Go out dancing at favorite gay bar that is having a straight night. At the end of the night I am milling around outside with friends and random person. Random person is chatting up my friend Zach who's looking for a boy to take home. I ask Zach what he looks for in a man. He says an 8. We all have a chuckle. Random person responds, "oh, I gotta ten". My girlfriend Sarah asks random person if he is gay. Random person shoves her a good five feet. After I jump in to 4 foot Sarah's aid, 5 onlookers are pulling Random person off me as he pounds my head against a Van.

Wednesday, June 27th
I am attending a speakers panel hosted by Vancity and BC co-operative association that has featured an economist from the University of Bolgna and Avi Lewis, son of Stephen Lewis. He is well known as producer of the newly released documentry "The Take". Three hundred people are attending and it is safe to say half the audience are women. After each guest speaker lectures about the economics of global justice the audience is invited to ask questions. Immediately 5 men bolt to the mic. I think in my hungover, sketchy head how sad it is to see no women approaching. A discussion commences amongst the guest speakers with CBC commentator Bill Richards. After a bit of debating between the men on how best to solve the "globalisation crisis", Avi Lewis declares he has a gender equality policy even when it comes to speaking at the mic. Everyone looks around dumbfounded. 20 seconds go by and no women get up. So, I bolt up and run to the mic followed by applause. My heart is pounding erratically as I realize how many eyes are now upon me. I march past 4 men and take my place at the mic behind the first man in line to speak. She has courage, i hear whispered. Interesting, cuz I feel more embarassed than couragous. First of all, this is just fucking pathetic. I am glad that Avi challenged us that day. And knowing how his father champions the UN on behalf of women so that most of the worlds problem can be addressed I can see where he is coming from. He was "invited" to speak at that event. Out of the 5 people to speak, the president of the Board of Vancity was a woman. But, as I leave that ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel on Water Street, I get a sinking feeling in my gut imagining my daughter being there beside me. Now, she is still a child. I left feeling still a child.

Monday, July 3

I return home from a day of enjoying the sun with friends. I return home to my complex to be pounced on by half a dozen children yelling at me that Avista had a knife. Avista is 3. I ask her 7 year old brother where there parents are. He says he doesn't know. " Well, who is watching you?" Ralph. So I go to find my other neighbor Ralph who is not home. I get Ralph's daughter to go in the house and pull out a parent. Her mother emerges saying she was having a nap and no one asked her to watch the Avista and her brother. I then go right next door to Ralph where Avista lives. The door is wide open and after a minute of me calling "Anyone home" no one responds. Alright. This isn't the first time, or even the second that this shit has happened. Hell, everyone in this complex has a story about how they almost saw Avista get run down by a car. So, off I trot to call the police. As I walk past the elevator, I hear it close behind me. I turn around to see Avista's Dad going into their apartment. So, I turn on my heels after him to give him a piece of my mind. Out comes the mom as well. It end with him shouting at me never to come to there wide open door again, and me saying next time it won't be me at the door it will be the"authorities"... And he knows the authorities. The same peeps that come by to arrest him after he kicks the shit out of his wife.

Now, I am kickin myself cuz' not only have I not helped the kids, but I put my daugher and self at risk. But then a neighbor who's dealt with them over a hundred times tells me the whole complex has been threatened by him before and we make fun of the "authorities". We decide we will all ban together to scare the shit out of these asshole parents. And the authorities will contact them in the form of child welfare.

July 4th, Tuesday 1:08 a.m.

America, fuck yeah!

Read Impulisves post. WILL LEARN TO POST LINK LATER. Reminded that REAL women don't go topless. REAL women wear underwire bras that you can fill with water. REAL women fight against same-sex marriage and federal funding to women's support services. REAL women don't eat pussy, they act like pussy's. Okay, that was a bit harsh. REAL women control pussy's, I mean the birth canal.

So if there is anything I would like to say after celebrating the birthday's of those countries occupying the North American continent. The one continent that I regularly contemplate, being as I have lived here my whole life, Where the fuck did we go wrong? Where the fuck did our affluent asses get off using our democratic powers to such perversion? Is the left just lazy? What is it about war and three second policy plans that seem like such a good idea? Oh, that's right. It is about the family. Ask any realist these days. They have their own f words. Family, Fear, FOX network. Fox networking feeding the family fear.

Canada, what is your damn excuse?

Seems the more communacative tools we aquire, the worse our paranoia pimples. This country has turned into a pre-pubscent teenager with acne hoping to get a date to the dance. The more we fret, the worse we look.

Ah, well. Observations aside, I shall not lose hope. Hell, I am only getting started.

COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING

A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experiences.
An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
A loss of interest in judging other people.
A loss of interest in judging self.
A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
A loss of interest in conflict.
A loss of ability to worry (this is a very serious symptom).
Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
Frequent attacks of smiling.
An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
An increased susceptibility to the love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to
extend it.

DIAGNOSIS: INTERNAL PEACE
AFFECTS 1 IN A MILLION

Born into Money

If money was never an obstacle in how you conducted your life, what kind of person would you be?

More importantly, for those people where this is actually their reality, Why don't they give a shit about those who don't have that opportunity?

I had an insight into this tonight as a close friend of mine dropped by. She was just visiting Vegas on the tab of a man who tried to pick her up there a year ago when she was there for a dental conference. This man is the son of some top dog defence lawyer from L.A. In the four days she had visited, he had dropped over 10 g's just wining and dining or thrill seeking as she called it.

I asked her what they talked about, and she said "Talked about what we were doing". Mainly I was interested in the substance of the conversation as she is a girl who grew up on Vancouver Island and he is some rich kid who party's on Daddy's tab 24/7 or when he is not "earning" his MBA.

Well, I'd have to say that I learned something I will never forget from asking that question. See, I don't hang with anyone who makes over 30 g's annually, so for me it is a subject I am totally ignorant on, trying to relate to anyone who is rolling in dough while I am just trying to figure out how to manipulate the system.

Anyway, the insight I recieved was priceless, I believe if the anti-capitalist movement is ever going to gain momentum.

It would seem that people with loads of money in all sense of the word live in the present. They can grasp the moment like a baby to breast, because everything they need is right there. If they run out of conversation, you just drop some money to instigate a thrill. I guess it would be like a constant orgasm, stimulation all the time. How distracting from the world would that be. You really would be outside of the events of the world, since any time you didn't like what was going on, it would be so easy for you to distract yourself. The masses use television, movies, hotdogs, chips, chocolate, weed, sex, alcohol..... you name it. What is your vice?
But if you could have it all or anything, the poison would overwhelm.

AND TONIGHT I CAN HONESTLY BE GRATEFUL FOR MY INSECURE FINANCIAL SITUATION. TONIGHT I CAN REST ON THE FACT THAT I HAVE TO LOOK BEYOND WHAT MONEY CAN BUY TO FIND MEANING INTO THIS CHAOTIC INJUSTICE WE CALL LIFE.

*sip* sparkling white wine..........sugary bubbly goodness.