In the school of life, there are no paid instructors

So, here I am, got off work an hour ago. Gandharvas repeating on my Windows Media Player, neighbor upstairs tapdancing or some such thing, and I am thinking, breathing and thinking.

My phone is disconnected. Nothing announces your a broke ass disorganized citizen like your phone being cut off. Luckily I have my trusty pay as you go telus cellular so people can leave messages saying that either they don't know how to dial, or there is something straaaaaaaaange going on with your phone line.

Well guess what? I didn't get around to paying the damn thing. The truth? I can't keep up with everything I have plunked myself into. My summer break from school has turned into me treading water in my multi-faceted life where I try to juggle a child, 2 part-time serving jobs, a volunteer committment at a botanical garden and restructuring a student union while trying to start a non-profit organization of my own with a girl who just totally flaked out on me. Not to mention the tasks for the co-op housing board. In the wee hours and on my breaks I search the internet to search for day time employment for a non-profit as I am about to kill the next person who asks me the difference between the Roast Lamb and the Grilled Chicken Breast.

I thought I would learn networking and communication skills. What I learned out of all of this is:

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.

Why is this the hardest thing to learn? I want to stereotype this behaviour but I will refrain.

Okay, now that I read over the above paragraph it isn't so bad. I expect for me to be super multitasker, stretching myself thin because once I am done school, I don't want to work for anyone else........for that long. I want to be creative and passionate and drive my wealth through the advocation of social justice.

Can that even be done? Is that possible? Profiting off of fair, equitable society.
Of course there is. There has to be. The key, the elements to avoid the pits: DO NOT become impaled in the disappointments.

Shit will go wrong. People will lie and at times you will lose. Bad things come in threes, but some have relayed to me so does good.

Never trust too much, but when you do and you get burned, don't take anything personally.
Everything is a lesson. It is cliche, but really, sometimes reading and memorizing does not internalize the consequence. Sometimes only the experience can accomplish this.

I find we all kind of go around in this bubble of denial. We act as though using caution or awareness can be unnatural, almost paranoid. I personally loathe the kind of maintence material objects require. My car, this computer; Why should they warrant so much of my time?

Assuming responsibility has been a struggle. Probably because I have had some far sooner than I would have imagined. There is stilll this peice of me that just wants to get shitfaced, ball you out, smoke all your weed and learn to drive standard in your shiny restored bug.

There is another part of me that wants to roll into the parlimament building and remind the house that Stephen Harper is the symbol of Canada's biggest sellout. Well, that would of been Mulrooney. Same shit different pile. My father keeps slurrring to me that he once heard that every generation should live through a conservative government.

I can't help but think it's true. Fear is the greatest motivater. It is like that movie with Michael Douglas, The Game. If you haven't seen it, do.

Now, how do I motivate myself into fearing the bill collectors? After 3 years of student loans with a dependent, their 100 bucks seems like chump change. I laugh in the phase of your puny demands. Talk to me when my daughter can't pronounce the bottom line.

The point of this post, is to gain a point. I will summarize with this insight.

If you can't stop and smell the roses, at least check your temperature gauge to see if you are over heating....before your engine blows.

A Call to Feminism

Looking back at the past 7 days, I have come to realize one thing...well besides that a week has passed.

WOMEN OF THE WORLD, WE ARE IN DAMN TROUBLE. Well no, that I already knew.

I CAN'T SIT IDLY BY AND WATCH THE SHIT FLY, and then splat me in the fuckin' face.

Let's review a diary of the past week's events, and then you can decide.

Tuesday, June 26th
Go out dancing at favorite gay bar that is having a straight night. At the end of the night I am milling around outside with friends and random person. Random person is chatting up my friend Zach who's looking for a boy to take home. I ask Zach what he looks for in a man. He says an 8. We all have a chuckle. Random person responds, "oh, I gotta ten". My girlfriend Sarah asks random person if he is gay. Random person shoves her a good five feet. After I jump in to 4 foot Sarah's aid, 5 onlookers are pulling Random person off me as he pounds my head against a Van.

Wednesday, June 27th
I am attending a speakers panel hosted by Vancity and BC co-operative association that has featured an economist from the University of Bolgna and Avi Lewis, son of Stephen Lewis. He is well known as producer of the newly released documentry "The Take". Three hundred people are attending and it is safe to say half the audience are women. After each guest speaker lectures about the economics of global justice the audience is invited to ask questions. Immediately 5 men bolt to the mic. I think in my hungover, sketchy head how sad it is to see no women approaching. A discussion commences amongst the guest speakers with CBC commentator Bill Richards. After a bit of debating between the men on how best to solve the "globalisation crisis", Avi Lewis declares he has a gender equality policy even when it comes to speaking at the mic. Everyone looks around dumbfounded. 20 seconds go by and no women get up. So, I bolt up and run to the mic followed by applause. My heart is pounding erratically as I realize how many eyes are now upon me. I march past 4 men and take my place at the mic behind the first man in line to speak. She has courage, i hear whispered. Interesting, cuz I feel more embarassed than couragous. First of all, this is just fucking pathetic. I am glad that Avi challenged us that day. And knowing how his father champions the UN on behalf of women so that most of the worlds problem can be addressed I can see where he is coming from. He was "invited" to speak at that event. Out of the 5 people to speak, the president of the Board of Vancity was a woman. But, as I leave that ballroom of the Fairmont Hotel on Water Street, I get a sinking feeling in my gut imagining my daughter being there beside me. Now, she is still a child. I left feeling still a child.

Monday, July 3

I return home from a day of enjoying the sun with friends. I return home to my complex to be pounced on by half a dozen children yelling at me that Avista had a knife. Avista is 3. I ask her 7 year old brother where there parents are. He says he doesn't know. " Well, who is watching you?" Ralph. So I go to find my other neighbor Ralph who is not home. I get Ralph's daughter to go in the house and pull out a parent. Her mother emerges saying she was having a nap and no one asked her to watch the Avista and her brother. I then go right next door to Ralph where Avista lives. The door is wide open and after a minute of me calling "Anyone home" no one responds. Alright. This isn't the first time, or even the second that this shit has happened. Hell, everyone in this complex has a story about how they almost saw Avista get run down by a car. So, off I trot to call the police. As I walk past the elevator, I hear it close behind me. I turn around to see Avista's Dad going into their apartment. So, I turn on my heels after him to give him a piece of my mind. Out comes the mom as well. It end with him shouting at me never to come to there wide open door again, and me saying next time it won't be me at the door it will be the"authorities"... And he knows the authorities. The same peeps that come by to arrest him after he kicks the shit out of his wife.

Now, I am kickin myself cuz' not only have I not helped the kids, but I put my daugher and self at risk. But then a neighbor who's dealt with them over a hundred times tells me the whole complex has been threatened by him before and we make fun of the "authorities". We decide we will all ban together to scare the shit out of these asshole parents. And the authorities will contact them in the form of child welfare.

July 4th, Tuesday 1:08 a.m.

America, fuck yeah!

Read Impulisves post. WILL LEARN TO POST LINK LATER. Reminded that REAL women don't go topless. REAL women wear underwire bras that you can fill with water. REAL women fight against same-sex marriage and federal funding to women's support services. REAL women don't eat pussy, they act like pussy's. Okay, that was a bit harsh. REAL women control pussy's, I mean the birth canal.

So if there is anything I would like to say after celebrating the birthday's of those countries occupying the North American continent. The one continent that I regularly contemplate, being as I have lived here my whole life, Where the fuck did we go wrong? Where the fuck did our affluent asses get off using our democratic powers to such perversion? Is the left just lazy? What is it about war and three second policy plans that seem like such a good idea? Oh, that's right. It is about the family. Ask any realist these days. They have their own f words. Family, Fear, FOX network. Fox networking feeding the family fear.

Canada, what is your damn excuse?

Seems the more communacative tools we aquire, the worse our paranoia pimples. This country has turned into a pre-pubscent teenager with acne hoping to get a date to the dance. The more we fret, the worse we look.

Ah, well. Observations aside, I shall not lose hope. Hell, I am only getting started.